You Don't Have to Be Fat to Be Sexy

This is sports-related ... more or less ...

Like a lot of extremely sexy men, I'm fairly overweight, and am tired of having to carry all this extra weight just to give the ladies more at which to look. For too long have middle-age men maintained a bulbous shape just so that women find us attractive.

It's extremely unhealthy, too. What a lot of guys don't realize is that being overweight for a sustained period can actually cause erectile dysfunction later in life, which we all know is even worse than a heart attack.

While it's true that being fat is an easy way to telegraph just how financially fit you are, it's just not worth it. Women need to learn to accept us for who we are, and shouldn't demand that we demonstrate our wealth by consuming a bag of Doritos for every meal. For too long have men suffered this lack of equality, and I, for one, am taking a stand.

Today

I'm at 306 pounds, and have two goals.

First, I want to get under 300 pounds. That's the short-term goal. I'm not sure how I'm breaking up my other short-term goals after that, and I'm not sweating it. Once I get under 300, then we'll figure it out from there.

Second, I want to get to 200 pounds and just see how things look at that point. That's the long-term goal. I may want to go down another 20 or so, but we'll see.

Diet

Doc put me on a high-protein diet that looks something like this:

Breakfast one serving of protein shake (Muscle Milk)

10AM protein bar

Lunch protein-rich lunch

afternoon protein bar

Dinner whatever (reasonable portion)

evening snack (if needed) protein shake

I've modified it a bit as I've seen necessary, and so far, things are shaking out as follows:

Breakfast Muscle Milk Light

Lunch chicken breast + either BBQ sauce or teriyaki sauce + protein bar

3PM Pure Protein bar

Dinner one serving of whatever

8PM Muscle Milk

That seems to be working so far.

Where it's going to be tough, and where my self-control has historically eroded is weekend nights. I haven't consumed alcohol in a year and half, haven't smoked for two months, so food is kinda what I got left in the 'abuse for pleasure' department, and it's gotta go. Sorry, ladies.

That being said, I was tinkering with the idea of just hopping on the treadmill and running myself dead every time I started having a craving like that, but I don't want to turn exercise into a punishment. We'll see.

Exercise

What I've been doing so far is running through an episode of Around the Horn each day. I've been refining it and refining it, and what I've found is working well is the following.

Around the Horn is a sports talk show that's broken into topics. They talk about each topic for a few minutes, then move onto the next, and they do this for a half-hour. I'll do the lead-up to the show at 2.5MPH to get warmed up, then kick it up to 4MPH at the beginning of each topic, then hold that for as long as I feel like, at which point I drop to 3MPH. Then, when the next topic starts, I kick it back up to 4MPH. At each ad, I sprint at 6MPH until the show comes back, at which point I resume the intervals. Then, at the final 'Showdown' segment, I ramp down to 2.5MPH, and then I'll walking at least through the end of the show. Lately, I've kept going for a bit afterward.

Also ...

The trophy wife and I are looking into picking up tennis again. I played the hell out of tennis as a youth and always really enjoyed it. It also seems like an ideal 'couples' exercise. I think we'll try it out this weekend and see how we like it.

I was having a great ride on my bike the other day, finally getting comfortable doing an uphill, when the goddam fucking cocksucking bitch whore fucking chain came off. I have no idea how to fix it, but it can't be that hard, but I was still mad as hell about it. I love the idea of mountain biking and want to get going with it as soon as possible.

I haven't had a real cigarette in about two months and I can breathe again. These e-cigarettes are the best thing ever for people that just can't quit. Being able to breathe again has been the biggest change in me being able to exercise again.

What about you? Have you had to give up fatness? Were you successful? Were you not? Either way, share your story!

Thanks!

-Blaine

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