So, I was tempted to contribute to the Titanic-like panic that has taken hold of the worst of the Cardinals' fans, but I decided to stand firmly with my non-idiot brethren (the majority of Cardinal nation), and understand that baseball is a game of numbers, and mostly averages, so this being a 162-game season means that we're probably just fine.
It has been interesting to see a very solid pitching staff just suddenly start shitting the bed, though.
And please stop talking about trading for Papi. We don't need another bat, especially one that so blatantly sucks the life out of a clubhouse.
This is going to be a brief one today, folks, as it's Memorial Day and I plan to hit a local hibachi as soon as possible.
The trophy wife and I have been traveling a lot lately, and I suggested that we plan a trip to Memphis, as I've never been to a Memphis Redbirds game, and would love to go some time.
That led me to another realization, which is that I've never been to a River City Rascals game, nor a Gateway Grizzles game, and that my fondness for minor league baseball has gone vastly underfed.
As a kid, I used to go to Tulsa Drillers and El Paso Diablos with some frequency, and absolutely loved it. There's something about minor league ball that's so wonderfully relaxing and engaging. I think it's the focus on fundamentals and the chance to get to see players develop. It's also refreshing to see dudes playing the game because they love it, and damn it, they're gonna give it their all for the chance to make it to the Show.
I hereby vow, this summer, to see the Memphis Redbirds, the River City Rascals, the Gateway Grizzlies, and at least one other minor league team this summer!
What about you? You dig the small ball?
-Blaine
Buy my book!
20120521
East Coast Sports Teams Suck
As a teenager, before the internet had really taken hold, the cringe-worthy east coast bias that is so prevalent on ESPN and the networks was tolerable. The Cardinals were going through a dark time. We had no football team. No one who can read gives a shit about hockey.
Then, as I aged, the internet became a 'thing,' and eventually became the focal point of the universe. Harnessing the new technologies, news and marketing were able to penetrate our lives with all the subtlety of Fox/CBS ensuring the Patriots have an easy schedule.
Now, it's all Boston and New York sports all the time, absent any really good or substantial teams (except the Giants and Celtics. But fuck Kevin Garnett.) I'd except the Patriots, but they have an asterisk, and everyone knows why. And Tom Brady is a giant douche.
And before anyone with those shitty east coast accents start "flappin' der gums," let me remind you that the Red Sox have started buying baseball cards so they can remember what a starting pitcher looks like, while the Yankees are getting on bended knee for ANDY PETITTE. Come on, guys. We're going to pretend this rivalry counts for anything? What, does the winner get free autographs from the first-place Baltimore Orioles?
And the Knicks. My god, how long has this been dragging out? Yes, they made the playoffs, just in time to provide some humor for the other teams. Prior to this year? How bad the Knicks are has been a news story this entire century.
And the Bruins and whatever hockey team plays in New York ... oh yeah, who cares?
There are days, there are, in which I'll lie back, stare up at the stars, and long for the future. It's a future in which every other news story on ESPN isn't about an overrated New York or Boston team. It's a future in which my children, and their children can run free, unshackled from yet another Patriots spooge-fest, or another pathetic fluffing of the Jets, or even another Christ-like weepy sermon on how great it is that the Red Sox were allowed to be so bad for so long, and thank god for steroids, er, I mean, uh, Manny being Manny. I guess the whole team was being Manny in 2004? Whatever.
And when the Red Sox go head-to-head with the Yankees? Pffft. It's American League baseball, guys. It's like baseball, but without all the interesting strategy.
Not to mention that the best rivalries in baseball are really only rivalries for a few years. See the Cardinals and Astros at the turn of the century, which culminated in the 2004 NLCS, the best playoff series any human has ever seen (except maybe the 2011 World Series.)
Hell, even the Yankees and Rays have had a bit of a rivalry at times.
But, no. It's Boston and New York, so Fox and ESPN make sure the entire country is flooded with a raging surge of boring and mediocre baseball.
Not to mention that these two teams take four hours to play their games. Guys, the pitcher doesn't bat! What's happening in these games to slow them down so much? Do they parade the bloody sock around Fenway between each inning? Do they set Bill Buckner on fire and let fans chase him? Are they pausing so the Steinbrenners can take a moment to see how much it'll take to purchase another aging bat instead of a legitimate starting pitcher?
Ah, but I shouldn't speak. I should know my place. I should thank Fox every time they're forced to allow my Cardinals into the playoffs, and I shouldn't protest when we're saddled with a 1030PM game start time in the LDS. I should be thankful that networks aren't allowed to script the scoring (2002 Super Bowl aside). Yet.
Blaine
Buy my book!
Then, as I aged, the internet became a 'thing,' and eventually became the focal point of the universe. Harnessing the new technologies, news and marketing were able to penetrate our lives with all the subtlety of Fox/CBS ensuring the Patriots have an easy schedule.
Now, it's all Boston and New York sports all the time, absent any really good or substantial teams (except the Giants and Celtics. But fuck Kevin Garnett.) I'd except the Patriots, but they have an asterisk, and everyone knows why. And Tom Brady is a giant douche.
And before anyone with those shitty east coast accents start "flappin' der gums," let me remind you that the Red Sox have started buying baseball cards so they can remember what a starting pitcher looks like, while the Yankees are getting on bended knee for ANDY PETITTE. Come on, guys. We're going to pretend this rivalry counts for anything? What, does the winner get free autographs from the first-place Baltimore Orioles?
And the Knicks. My god, how long has this been dragging out? Yes, they made the playoffs, just in time to provide some humor for the other teams. Prior to this year? How bad the Knicks are has been a news story this entire century.
And the Bruins and whatever hockey team plays in New York ... oh yeah, who cares?
There are days, there are, in which I'll lie back, stare up at the stars, and long for the future. It's a future in which every other news story on ESPN isn't about an overrated New York or Boston team. It's a future in which my children, and their children can run free, unshackled from yet another Patriots spooge-fest, or another pathetic fluffing of the Jets, or even another Christ-like weepy sermon on how great it is that the Red Sox were allowed to be so bad for so long, and thank god for steroids, er, I mean, uh, Manny being Manny. I guess the whole team was being Manny in 2004? Whatever.
And when the Red Sox go head-to-head with the Yankees? Pffft. It's American League baseball, guys. It's like baseball, but without all the interesting strategy.
Not to mention that the best rivalries in baseball are really only rivalries for a few years. See the Cardinals and Astros at the turn of the century, which culminated in the 2004 NLCS, the best playoff series any human has ever seen (except maybe the 2011 World Series.)
Hell, even the Yankees and Rays have had a bit of a rivalry at times.
But, no. It's Boston and New York, so Fox and ESPN make sure the entire country is flooded with a raging surge of boring and mediocre baseball.
Not to mention that these two teams take four hours to play their games. Guys, the pitcher doesn't bat! What's happening in these games to slow them down so much? Do they parade the bloody sock around Fenway between each inning? Do they set Bill Buckner on fire and let fans chase him? Are they pausing so the Steinbrenners can take a moment to see how much it'll take to purchase another aging bat instead of a legitimate starting pitcher?
Ah, but I shouldn't speak. I should know my place. I should thank Fox every time they're forced to allow my Cardinals into the playoffs, and I shouldn't protest when we're saddled with a 1030PM game start time in the LDS. I should be thankful that networks aren't allowed to script the scoring (2002 Super Bowl aside). Yet.
Blaine
Buy my book!
20120514
On Hockey and Fighting
I don't watch NHL hockey. I don't follow it in the paper or on ESPN. The little bit I know about it is from the snippets I hear before I fast-forward through the hockey bits on Around the Horn (still the best sports show on TV, by the way.) I'm aware that Sidney Crosby is the Greg Oden of the NHL. I know that his rival plays in Washington. I'm aware that Canadians and Soviets love the sport.
My lack of love for hockey is not due to lack of trying. I've tried, every year, to watch at least one Blues game. It hasn't gone well. It's like trying to watch pillows on skates play ping-pong. Pain slowly gives way to boredom.
With baseball, football, and basketball, I can get pumped quickly. I'm able to watch the game, discern that there is in fact, strategy, and then start helping whatever team for which I'm cheering win by shouting at them.
NHL-style hockey sucks, but I know how to fix it.
Ever seen Olympic hockey? It's great. The rinks are wider, the game is slower, and fighting isn't allowed.
In the NHL, the game is annoyingly artificial. I mean, come on folks, it's one shirtless guy away from being ice wrestling.
The rinks are narrowed to speed up the game, and fighting is actively encouraged, so long as you don't give a guy a concussion, and adhere to the strict rules that govern hits and punching (and having rules there should tell you everything need to know about the absurdity of the practice.)
It's silly, really. It's like the NHL decided that being a sports league wasn't enough, and they hammered out this whole extra ruleset for something that doesn't actively impact the outcome of the game. Yes, I get that penalties can cause a power play and blah blah blah, but it's stupid. No other sport thinks it has to rely on a violent, pandering side show that doesn't impact the score in order to draw in viewers.
It brings a stoppage in play, and it's boring. It's like getting a call from work while mid-coitus.
Why don't they just air a half-hour of VH1 reality shows after each period?
And, like I said, the fighting is pointless. It's like in hit TV shows, when the lead actor is strapped to a bomb, you know that he/she isn't in any actual jeopardy. It's a waste of time, and you wish that they'd stop treating you like an idiot, and move on.
The narrow rinks bug me, too, because it artificially speeds up the game, and cuts down on strategy. In Olympic hockey, I can actually see strategy unfold, I can bear witness to an elegant and well-thought-out plan of attack, instead of a frenzied Molson-fueled clusterfuck.
Say this to an ardent NHL fan, and they'll look at you like just took a leak on Wayne Gretzky's grave (or the grave of an NHL star who's actually dead that I've never heard of.) They're offended. Incensed, even. You don't understand. You're not really a hockey fan. Something, something, something, Mario Lemieux, something, something, something, Gary Bettman is an asshole, something, something, something, the ratings aren't that bad.
Fixing the NHL is actually pretty easy. Based on watching the Olympic action, all one would have to do is remove the stuff that sucks and shouldn't have been there in the first place. It's that easy. Olympic hockey is interesting and stimulates the thoughtful, intellectual parts of the brain. NHL hockey does not. It contains the worst parts of NASCAR and WWE (though it is comforting to imagine that Canada has their own version of teabagger Palin-loving hicks.)
And if they're not going to fix it, I say they become more like the XFL. Throw self-respect and sportsmanship completely out the window, mic up the players, have Fox script out some storylines, and bring every mouth-breather into the fold. Have Sidney Crosby talk shit before the game to whatever team.
"You disrespected us in the Canadian paper, eh. I'm gonna get a hat trick while banging your mother, eh."
Even I might check that out. Once.
What I'm saying, NHL fans, is that you've got a good game, once you clean all the shit off it. Don't be afraid to embrace the sport for what it is. It doesn't need all the artificiality and fake drama.
Hell, once all that crap's gone, I'll promise to keep a straight face when you talk about the 130,000-team orgy that the NHL calls 'playoffs.'
What do you think of NHL hockey vs international hockey? Which do you prefer? Do you watch hockey? Why or why not?
Thanks for reading, check me out here again next Monday, and check out my other blogs, too!
-Blaine
Buy my book!
My lack of love for hockey is not due to lack of trying. I've tried, every year, to watch at least one Blues game. It hasn't gone well. It's like trying to watch pillows on skates play ping-pong. Pain slowly gives way to boredom.
With baseball, football, and basketball, I can get pumped quickly. I'm able to watch the game, discern that there is in fact, strategy, and then start helping whatever team for which I'm cheering win by shouting at them.
NHL-style hockey sucks, but I know how to fix it.
Ever seen Olympic hockey? It's great. The rinks are wider, the game is slower, and fighting isn't allowed.
In the NHL, the game is annoyingly artificial. I mean, come on folks, it's one shirtless guy away from being ice wrestling.
The rinks are narrowed to speed up the game, and fighting is actively encouraged, so long as you don't give a guy a concussion, and adhere to the strict rules that govern hits and punching (and having rules there should tell you everything need to know about the absurdity of the practice.)
It's silly, really. It's like the NHL decided that being a sports league wasn't enough, and they hammered out this whole extra ruleset for something that doesn't actively impact the outcome of the game. Yes, I get that penalties can cause a power play and blah blah blah, but it's stupid. No other sport thinks it has to rely on a violent, pandering side show that doesn't impact the score in order to draw in viewers.
It brings a stoppage in play, and it's boring. It's like getting a call from work while mid-coitus.
Why don't they just air a half-hour of VH1 reality shows after each period?
And, like I said, the fighting is pointless. It's like in hit TV shows, when the lead actor is strapped to a bomb, you know that he/she isn't in any actual jeopardy. It's a waste of time, and you wish that they'd stop treating you like an idiot, and move on.
The narrow rinks bug me, too, because it artificially speeds up the game, and cuts down on strategy. In Olympic hockey, I can actually see strategy unfold, I can bear witness to an elegant and well-thought-out plan of attack, instead of a frenzied Molson-fueled clusterfuck.
Say this to an ardent NHL fan, and they'll look at you like just took a leak on Wayne Gretzky's grave (or the grave of an NHL star who's actually dead that I've never heard of.) They're offended. Incensed, even. You don't understand. You're not really a hockey fan. Something, something, something, Mario Lemieux, something, something, something, Gary Bettman is an asshole, something, something, something, the ratings aren't that bad.
Fixing the NHL is actually pretty easy. Based on watching the Olympic action, all one would have to do is remove the stuff that sucks and shouldn't have been there in the first place. It's that easy. Olympic hockey is interesting and stimulates the thoughtful, intellectual parts of the brain. NHL hockey does not. It contains the worst parts of NASCAR and WWE (though it is comforting to imagine that Canada has their own version of teabagger Palin-loving hicks.)
And if they're not going to fix it, I say they become more like the XFL. Throw self-respect and sportsmanship completely out the window, mic up the players, have Fox script out some storylines, and bring every mouth-breather into the fold. Have Sidney Crosby talk shit before the game to whatever team.
"You disrespected us in the Canadian paper, eh. I'm gonna get a hat trick while banging your mother, eh."
Even I might check that out. Once.
What I'm saying, NHL fans, is that you've got a good game, once you clean all the shit off it. Don't be afraid to embrace the sport for what it is. It doesn't need all the artificiality and fake drama.
Hell, once all that crap's gone, I'll promise to keep a straight face when you talk about the 130,000-team orgy that the NHL calls 'playoffs.'
What do you think of NHL hockey vs international hockey? Which do you prefer? Do you watch hockey? Why or why not?
Thanks for reading, check me out here again next Monday, and check out my other blogs, too!
-Blaine
Buy my book!
20120507
The Pujols Power Outage
soundtrack - the end of this weekend's PGA action and the end of Heat vs Knicks
First of all, welcome to my sports blog. I'm going to try and get something out here each Monday, and maybe some quickies here and there on other days.
I imagine that this will be midwest-centric, but I'll talk about some national stories, too. I'll also talk a bit about youth coaching, which is something I've recently begun doing.
The language here will hover between PG-13 and R. If you've read anything of mine from the last couple years, you'll know what to expect.
Additionally, if you have 'requests,' feel free to send them my way, but no promises.
Lastly, if you want to contribute, let me know, and we'll talk.
Oh, and Rickie Fowler needs to fire his image consultant. The guy's not a bad golfer, but looks like an ass-clown with the orange space suit + the crustache.
So, about that Pujols thing ...
Albert Pujols, as of Sunday evening, has hit his first home run of the season. As has been discussed by many other writers, his numbers are way down, and Bernie Miklasz wrote a very smart piece that breaks down the numbers, and what they may or may not indicate.
So, Albert has hit a home run, and as that ball dropped into the Angels' bullpen, I'm hoping the national crisis was reduced a defcon level.
Sure, I'm disappointed that Albert finally hit a home run, as I was hoping that he'd never find joy in life ever again, but I've stayed mostly quiet on the topic. I was content to sit back and see what the average St. Louisan reaction was, and use that to gauge just how insane I am with bitterness toward him.
I was also quiet on the topic because I didn't have a sports blog until now.
I was interested to see that most St. Louisans were amused by the power outage, and little more beyond that. I forget, at times, that this really is a classy baseball town, even if that wasn't enough to make Albert forget about that $3 million dollar difference between the Cardinals offer and the Angels offer (as a point of reference, that was roughly $253m vs $250m. Just sayin'.)
The 2012 Cardinals
I like the Cardinals more without Pujols. I didn't think I would. I was, stupidly, worried about their team identity. Albert had become the Cardinals' national identity. They don't play in New York or Boston, so Fox and ESPN do everything they can to ignore them, and without Albert ... we were going to go back to the dark days of the 90s (dark for the Cardinals; still the best decade in rock n roll.)
I had bought into the bullshit.
While I was at Spring Training this year, something dawned on me. This is a team now. Instead of being the Albert Pujols Band, they were now, again, the St. Louis Cardinals. This is now, again, a team of men..
I like them more. There's no one focal point. They're a team. They're not sexy. They're not marketable. They're my 2012 St. Louis Cardinals, and they don't feel entitled. None of them are telling us how 'spoiled' we are, and grumbling about 'not giving (us) a hometown discount' or some other idiocy.
I like these guys. I really do. They're all human.
10 Years of Albert
So, where does this leave Albert?
Well, he's been trending down the last three years, and he wanted 10 years on his contract. Remember, baseball contracts are guaranteed, so Arte Moreno is on the hook no matter what. Meanwhile, the Cardinals were able to resign Yadi, invest in Beltran, and invest in the young, rising stars on this team.
If I were a betting man, I'd wager that Albert will, this year, hit below .299, with under 37 home runs, and who knows on RBI (since that stat depends on other players, as well.) I would bet that Albert will keep trending down over the next 10 years. So, Arte might pay out $25m this year for .298 + 36 home runs and almost 100 RBI. Not bad. Next year, it'll be the same for .297 + 35 HR and almost 100 RBI. Then, the closer it gets to the end of the contract, the more precipitous the drop will be each year.
The Final Word
I don't see $250m of value in that, but that's what weaselly shit-faced agents are for. I bought blindly into the fact that there was a need to resign Pujols, and I was wrong.
The first month of the season is too small a sample size to say anything with certainty, but the last three years are another story.That is a large sample size, and makes me okay with not having Albert around for $250m over 10 years while he's 32-41 years of age. The Cardinals are a better team without the albatross.
I also hope that was the only home run he hits this year. Fucker.
-Blaine
Buy my book!
First of all, welcome to my sports blog. I'm going to try and get something out here each Monday, and maybe some quickies here and there on other days.
I imagine that this will be midwest-centric, but I'll talk about some national stories, too. I'll also talk a bit about youth coaching, which is something I've recently begun doing.
The language here will hover between PG-13 and R. If you've read anything of mine from the last couple years, you'll know what to expect.
Additionally, if you have 'requests,' feel free to send them my way, but no promises.
Lastly, if you want to contribute, let me know, and we'll talk.
Oh, and Rickie Fowler needs to fire his image consultant. The guy's not a bad golfer, but looks like an ass-clown with the orange space suit + the crustache.
So, about that Pujols thing ...
Albert Pujols, as of Sunday evening, has hit his first home run of the season. As has been discussed by many other writers, his numbers are way down, and Bernie Miklasz wrote a very smart piece that breaks down the numbers, and what they may or may not indicate.
So, Albert has hit a home run, and as that ball dropped into the Angels' bullpen, I'm hoping the national crisis was reduced a defcon level.
Sure, I'm disappointed that Albert finally hit a home run, as I was hoping that he'd never find joy in life ever again, but I've stayed mostly quiet on the topic. I was content to sit back and see what the average St. Louisan reaction was, and use that to gauge just how insane I am with bitterness toward him.
I was also quiet on the topic because I didn't have a sports blog until now.
I was interested to see that most St. Louisans were amused by the power outage, and little more beyond that. I forget, at times, that this really is a classy baseball town, even if that wasn't enough to make Albert forget about that $3 million dollar difference between the Cardinals offer and the Angels offer (as a point of reference, that was roughly $253m vs $250m. Just sayin'.)
The 2012 Cardinals
I like the Cardinals more without Pujols. I didn't think I would. I was, stupidly, worried about their team identity. Albert had become the Cardinals' national identity. They don't play in New York or Boston, so Fox and ESPN do everything they can to ignore them, and without Albert ... we were going to go back to the dark days of the 90s (dark for the Cardinals; still the best decade in rock n roll.)
I had bought into the bullshit.
While I was at Spring Training this year, something dawned on me. This is a team now. Instead of being the Albert Pujols Band, they were now, again, the St. Louis Cardinals. This is now, again, a team of men..
I like them more. There's no one focal point. They're a team. They're not sexy. They're not marketable. They're my 2012 St. Louis Cardinals, and they don't feel entitled. None of them are telling us how 'spoiled' we are, and grumbling about 'not giving (us) a hometown discount' or some other idiocy.
I like these guys. I really do. They're all human.
10 Years of Albert
So, where does this leave Albert?
Well, he's been trending down the last three years, and he wanted 10 years on his contract. Remember, baseball contracts are guaranteed, so Arte Moreno is on the hook no matter what. Meanwhile, the Cardinals were able to resign Yadi, invest in Beltran, and invest in the young, rising stars on this team.
If I were a betting man, I'd wager that Albert will, this year, hit below .299, with under 37 home runs, and who knows on RBI (since that stat depends on other players, as well.) I would bet that Albert will keep trending down over the next 10 years. So, Arte might pay out $25m this year for .298 + 36 home runs and almost 100 RBI. Not bad. Next year, it'll be the same for .297 + 35 HR and almost 100 RBI. Then, the closer it gets to the end of the contract, the more precipitous the drop will be each year.
The Final Word
I don't see $250m of value in that, but that's what weaselly shit-faced agents are for. I bought blindly into the fact that there was a need to resign Pujols, and I was wrong.
The first month of the season is too small a sample size to say anything with certainty, but the last three years are another story.That is a large sample size, and makes me okay with not having Albert around for $250m over 10 years while he's 32-41 years of age. The Cardinals are a better team without the albatross.
I also hope that was the only home run he hits this year. Fucker.
-Blaine
Buy my book!
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